Transgender Day of Remembrance-Vigil Speech

November 20, 2008
Portland State University
Portland, Oregon

My name is Jenn Burleton and I am the Founder and Executive Director of TransActive. I am the wife, spouse, partner and significant other of the woman with whom I’ve shared my life for the past 26 years. We have been the foster parents of two transgender youth.

In the aftermath of the 2004 Indonesian tsunami, I traveled to Phuket, Thailand and volunteered whatever talents, skills and abilities I could to the recovery effort. I am old enough to have marched with Jesse Jackson, Ralph Abernathy and James Groppi in the fight for civil rights and fair housing in the late 60’s and I am young enough to have voted enthusiastically, idealistically and teary-eyed for President Elect Barack Hussein Obama. I am a middle aged, middle class social liberal.

My name is Jenn Burleton; I am a woman who happens to be transgender and today just happens to be my birthday. It has always been a special time of reflection for me.

Early on, it was the yardstick against which I measured the time it was taking my mother to accept and support the little girl that lived within me. During my teen years, it became the hourglass through which the sand that was my changing body flowed. And in adulthood, it is the day on which I take stock of how far we’ve come as a culture and how far we still have to go with regards to gender identity and expression.

Since 1999, November 20th has been the day we set aside to remember our sisters and brothers, sons and daughters, fathers and mothers, lovers, companions, friends and total strangers whose lives were cut short by violence, ignorance, misogyny and fear. This is our day to honor and remember those who died simply because they were or were perceived to be sharing our transgender umbrella.

We know that at least one trans person dies violently every month. Many of these murders remain unsolved. This does not include those who take their own lives after having been slowly but surely emotionally assassinated by intolerance, indifference, poverty and isolation. Those of us who share, to one degree or another, a trans identity are the survivors… and when I did the math with regard to my own life, I realized how very fortunate I have been. As of today, I’ve survived 496 months since first coming out as transgender at 12 years of age.

Lawrence King was not as fortunate.

I did not have the privilege of knowing Larry in life; however I did spend several weeks earlier this year in Oxnard, California speaking with Larry’s friends, teachers, counselors, mentors and neighbors.

Joined by my friends and colleagues, Hayley Klug, Mariette Pathy Allen and Esther Griffin, I met with school administrators, the Mayor of Oxnard and even Larry’s father and family members of the boy who shot Larry. I have taught classes at E.O Green Middle School… 20 feet from classroom #42 in which Larry was shot in the head twice from behind at close range. Several of the students who were there that day were in the classes I taught.

You may have read that Larry was a troubled and flamboyant gay teen who liked to wear women’s clothing and harass straight boys. That Larry flaunted his sexuality. That one of the boys Larry liked finally wouldn’t take it anymore and brought a gun to school and shot Larry twice in the head as Larry sat at a desk in the computer lab.

I’m here to tell you that the only true part of any of that, is that one of the boys Larry liked brought a gun to school and shot Larry twice in the head. The remainder is nothing more than a cisgender-centric manipulation of Larry King’s trans identity in order to fit his death into a politically useful, binary gendered model of what homophobic violence is.

An article in The Advocate even suggested that support and encouragement for Larry’s overtly feminine gender identity and expression and his presumptively "gay" sexual orientation contributed to Larry’s death. It’s time for the hijacking of Larry King’s identity to stop. Larry, who told friends he preferred the name “Letitia”, was transgender.

It’s true that Letitia had male anatomy and at 15 was boy crazy (as are many straight girls at that age). But as many of us in this audience already understand, our identity… her identity existed between her ears and not between her thighs. The inability of some cisgender people in ALL communities to understand and respect that simple fact lies at the center of the identity theft that Letitia King was subjected to in life and most tragically, in death.

Letitia ’s life was complex, challenging, inspiring and, in the days prior to her murder, even joyous.

Born on January 13, 1993, Letitia turned fifteen one month prior to being killed. She had been taunted, harassed and abused for being feminine from elementary school on. Long before she may have even had a sexual orientation, Letitia understood that non-conforming gender expression is at the core of LGBT oppression. And yet, this small for her age child never backed down from being who she was.

Everyone who knew Letitia said that the weeks after she began fully expressing her true gender identity were the happiest of her life. Far from being the outcast some have portrayed her to be, Letitia had many friends at school, mostly other girls, and was well-liked by many in the school faculty and staff.

She loved butterflies. A child after my own heart, she loved the music of Crosby, Still & Nash. Her favorite song though, was “Lean On Me”, which she confidently told her chorus teacher she wanted to sing the solo on at the Spring 2008 school concert.

Letitia was described as a sweet child who befriended stray animals. Together with her adoptive mother, she crocheted scarves to send to the troops in Afghanistan and she loved Archie, the dinosaur-sized therapy dog at Casa Pacifica, the residential care center she was staying in at the time of her death. When asked how she withstood the teasing, bullying, harassment, physical and emotional abuse of others, including possibly members of her family, Letitia would simply say; “I am what I am.”

While some have tried to co-opt, manipulate, pigeon-hole and minimize Letitia’s identity in order to serve political or social causes, the brilliance of who she was lights the way out of the shadows for those who were fortunate enough to have known her. Averi, one of Letitia’s friends wrote this poem a few days after her death:

“I was his friend
And loved him till the end
You all treated him bad
You made him feel so very sad
Now take your life and change it up
So God can fully fill your cup”

Whether one attends a church that believes in a Supreme Being, or worships as I do at the intersection of equality, justice, respect and hope, we must all keep our cups filled with the compassion needed to understand those who are different than us and the courage to, despite all opposition, stand together not just as men and women of trans experience, but as human beings first and foremost.

Another victim of senseless violence, Martin Luther King, once said:

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”

We owe it to those we remember today, to Letitia King, to Cameron McWilliams who took his own life at age 10 after telling his mother he wanted to be a girl, to Ian Benson and Gwen Araujo, to Brandon Teena and Barry Winchell. To the transgender children of today and tomorrow whose quality of life and whose very lives hang in the balance of what we do on their behalf in the days, weeks, months and years to come.

To each of us who has traveled our own unique road to where we are, and to where we’re going. To all of these and to those whose names and lives may never be known, let us remember… and let us promise them that from this day forward, we will never again be silent about the things that matter.

Peace.


Jenn Burleton
Executive Director
TransActive

Dr. Phil's "Gender Confused Children"

From TransActive

Portland, OR (November 4, 2008) -

It’s almost become de rigueur in daytime television for shows to have an episode devoted to transgender and gender non-conforming children and youth, so the TransActive staff wasn’t too surprised when we heard that “Dr. Phil” was planning to air such an episode. While initially optimistic the show could reach out to families that might not otherwise have the opportunity to learn about trans youth issues, we were, in the end, sorely disappointed.

From the beginning, Phil McGraw let his own bias regarding transgender identity in children run the show. Tellingly, the show itself was titled “Gender Confused Children,” an incredibly inaccurate and misleading characterization of the children TransActive represents. It is our experience that trans and gender non-conforming children are anything but confused about their gender, and that it is society’s refusal to meet them on their own terms that is the source of any confusion.

The show began by introducing Melissa and Tim, the proud and supportive parents of an 8-year old trans girl. This family exemplified how successful trans children can be when supported by their parents, but this positive outcome was soon undermined by Dr. Phil’s relentless and dismissive questions and commentary.

It’s hard to believe someone could look at a happy, well-adjusted girl who has consistently and vocally identified as female for five of her eight years and lived as such for two years, and still ask her, “Are you sure?” Nevertheless, Dr. Phil did so repeatedly. Even more chillingly, when Tim and Melissa brought up the serious negative consequences of trying to force their daughter to be someone she is not, up to and including the vastly increased risk of suicide, Dr. Phil appeared to blithely brush these concerns away.

Next on the show was Dr. Daniel Siegel, a previously unknown but welcome new resource for us here at TransActive. While we tend to be conservative in our endorsement of physical and mental healthcare providers, we were impressed by his understanding of the issues. Not only was Dr. Siegel’s understanding of gender and childhood development complex and nuanced, he was able to communicate his perspective in an extremely straightforward and comprehensible manner. However, Dr. Phil once again disappointed by juxtaposing Dr. Siegel’s testimony with that of another “expert”, Glenn Stanton.

Mr. Stanton is the Research Fellow for Global Family Formation at Focus On The Family, an evangelical Christian organization based in Colorado Springs, Colorado. While Dr. Siegel was able to easily counter each and every one of Stanton’s arguments (even at one point demonstrating that an example Stanton was citing actually disproved Stanton’s his own argument), Dr. Phil glossed over these misrepresentations of fact and research and continued to present Stanton as an expert on childhood gender identity issues.

According to Stanton’s biography, he is a graduate of the University of West Virginia, having earned a Master’s Degree in interdisciplinary humanities with an emphasis on philosophy, history and religion.

The final guest on the program was Mary, a mother whose teenage son identified as female from a very early age, but later recanted those feelings and chose live as a male. While such cases are not unknown, our experience indicates that many (if not most) gender-identity ‘reversals’ are the result of the child surrendering to external pressures placed on them rather then a genuine shift in the child’s core gender identity.

While initially supporting her son in his gender expression, Mary blamed herself for “encouraging” his behavior and her husband for not spending enough time with his son. She told Dr. Phil, “I was allowing him to be what he wasn’t.”

In the face of ever-increasing abuse at school and the beginnings of puberty, her son finally gave up and tried conforming to the gender expression standards set by society. While he professes to have resolved his gender identity issues and even “thinks of himself as straight,” his mother went so far as to say, “I don’t know if he’s being totally honest with himself.”

For those of us who work with gender non-conforming children and youth, such a story is an all too familiar example of how marginalization, misinformation and emotional abuse conspire to force a child into hiding their identity from everyone around them, often either repressing such feelings for decades or turning to desperate measures such as self-harm and suicide. For Dr. Phil, however, Mary’s son was nothing but a convenient justification for his own bias against being supportive of children in their gender non-conforming expression.

This show should prove a cautionary tale for parents or caregivers invited to be on a talk show highlighting transgender and gender non-conforming children. These shows may approach the issue with an ideological bias, often fueled by a desire to generate conflict, which then results in higher ratings. That approach may not have you and your child’s best interest at heart. No matter how poised, prepared, and confident you are, if the show’s producer film the episode with an agenda in mind, then that is the agenda that will be reflected in the final broadcast. If you are contacted about appearing on one of these programs, we suggest you do three things:

1. Do some research on the show in question. Have they covered this issue or similar ones before? Were the people on the show treated respectfully, or did the show exploit them and their stories?

2. Contact an organization such as TransActive and consult with them on how best to proceed. Request that the show have a representative from an organization such as ours on the program with you. Insist on knowing who the other guests on the show will be and do some research on them in advance of taping the program. If you do not feel comfortable with the other guests, make that clear to the show producer. If necessary, decline to participate in the show if your concerns are not dealt with to your satisfaction.

3. Make sure you and the show’s producers have an understanding of exactly what you are going to be sharing on the air.

The old adage that “so long as they spell my name right, all publicity is good publicity” certainly does not apply to public discussion of a child’s gender identity and expression. When guests with an idealogical bias against freedom of childhood gender expression are mixed with a live audience and the quest for high ratings you have a situation that, by definition, puts your family’s response to your child’s gender expression up for public referendum. Your child and family deserve more than that. We all deserve better than what Dr. Phil McGraw served up last week.

Hayley Klug

Assistant Director

TransActive

hayley@transactiveonline.org