A month ago, when a friend forwarded me a New York Times article about how transgender people are now experiencing “smoother transitions” in the workplace, I scoffed. After all, the idea that trans people “have it easy” in any way is pretty ridiculous. At that point, I was also anxiously anticipating my first day back at my school and coming out to my colleagues as a transsexual and as “Mr. Krywanczyk.”
As our first staff and faculty in-service day on August 28th neared, I felt incredibly nervous and sick to my stomach. My transition itself had been feeling very good to me. I felt more comfortable in my own skin and knew that I was on the right track for me. But the thought of coming out in an auditorium full of my colleagues and administrators intimidated me. The past two years I mostly avoided social events - such as after-school happy hours - with fellow teachers. My discomfort derived from the sense that I stood out not necessarily for my queerness or gender non-normativity, but for my progressive and radical political stances. Some of my interactions with fellow teachers, including being chastised for wanting to incorporate conversations about genocide and imperialism into our schoolwide celebration of Thanksgiving, left me feeling lonely and alienated. My impulse to protect myself, in addition to the fact that I felt fundamentally uncomfortable with myself, sparked a criticality of many others in my school. I was expecting the worst in coming out as trans.
However, my “coming out day” at my school went surprisingly well. At our first faculty assembly of the year, the speaker I brought in from the NYCLU did a superb job of presenting the basics of “how to respect trans people” without focusing exclusively on my personal transition. He spent a great deal of time connecting trans and gender issues to the students in our school, and explaining from a legal standpoint why it is educators’ responsibility to intervene whenever anybody – child or adult – is being harassed because of their gender expression or identity. His presentation, and my colleagues’ response to it, renewed my faith in and appreciation of third party advocates who know what they are doing. It can be so effective for people who are not familiar with a particular issue to hear about it from a seemingly unrelated person or organization. The NYCLU really came through for me and for other trans people in our school.
After the NYCLU representative spoke, I stood up and announced that I had started transitioning, and that I would be going by male pronouns and by “Mr. Krywanczyk” from that point on. I knew that the NYCLU speaker had discouraged direct harassment or invasive questions, but I was mostly concerned that colleagues would ignore me out of awkwardness or discomfort. But my coworkers, even those whom I have perceived as politcally conservative or “frat” types, pleasantly surprised me. Instead of avoiding me, a large number of them proactively approached me after the speaker that day to congratulate me, assure me that I would be fine, and to tell me that they had my back. Frankly, I had underestimated many of them. Ultimately, I know there’s something valuable in taking a defensive stance and being proven wrong about it – but I felt like a little bit of a jerk for having expected the worst.
Though I was less worried about students’ reactions to my transition than I was about the responses of adults in my building, the teaching aspect of this year has gone smoothly, as well. I have had no issues with my colleagues, and I have been recognizing a great deal of growth I’ve made as an educator – which is undoubtedly connected to, though not equatable with, my personal growth. Already this year, I’ve felt more excited about my job than I ever imagined I could be. My markedly increased comfort in the role of “teacher” and my newfound passion for teaching are the results of several coinciding factors: Everything I’ve learned over the past two years that has helped me be more organized and prepared with lessons and my classroom than I have been before; my decision to dive into “dressing up for work” and wearing ties every day, which make me feel like a responsible adult and are also useful gender markers for colleagues and students; and a new classroom that is spacious and well-equipped for English classes, as opposed to my previous year’s room.
Presenting as male has also caused some palpable and very noticeable changes in the way students respond to me. According to my observation, my status as "Mr. Krywanczyk" has remained unquestioned among my sixth graders this year. As a male teacher, it is clear that I command more respect than in previous years when I identified as female and presented as a butch lesbian. One “teacher stare” goes a lot farther now that I am “Mr. Krywanczyk” than it ever used to, and I haven’t once felt tempted to shout or talk over any students in my classroom. I can’t be sure how much of that stems from my increased organization and ability to do my job, but my perceived gender undeniably helps. Feeling that kind of male privilege with regards to my students has been illuminating already.
Possibly the strangest aspect of this school year so far is the conspicuous absence of any sexuality- or gender-related questions and conversations among my students. I’m not sure how my students read me sexuality-wise, but after the past two years - when my appearance in combination with “Ms. K” prompted immediate and incessant inquiry - it seems bizarre to me that LGBT matters have not yet arisen in my classroom. Passing unquestioned as male with my students, and therefore mostly likely as a straight man by default, helps me better understand the experiences of friends of mine who have struggled to navigate “coming out” in their classrooms. It was never an option for me, before this year, to not be “out” as queer.
The current silence around LGBT issues probably won’t last very long, however. Considering the fact that my students from last year are still in the school, and they often shout “Hi Ms. K!” at me down hallways and across the streets outside our school, it seems inevitable that eventually my students will find out that I was “Ms. K” last year. I’m beginning to feel scared that my overwhelmingly positive transition experience will come crashing down at any minute.
I recently remembered, much to my horror, that over half of the books in my classroom library say “Ms. Krywanczyk” on them in permanent marker. Last year, two very well-meaning students had taken Sharpies to my library in an attempt to ensure that I didn’t lose any books.
Yesterday, one of my current students noticed such a “Ms. Krywanczyk” on the inside of his book, and I saw him look at it, look at me, look back at it, hold it up above his head, and gesture wildly at it to a friend of his across the room until I asked him to put the book down and begin reading. That moment gave me chills, and deflated me a bit – which took me by surprise. I’m realizing that for the first time in my life I’m understanding how right it feels fo rme to be male without necessarily being marked as “trans,” and I’m starting to feel reluctant to let go of that feeling, even though I want to be “out and proud.” I have to wait and see what happens in terms of “disclosure” and “coming out,” and I’m sure it will be a constant navigation.
Ultimately, though, I have received a mind-blowingly supportive and respectful reception in my school, and I am trying to appreciate and enjoy that in the moment. In hindsight, I realize what the New York Times article was getting at, even if it fails to represent more than a sliver of trans experiences. For the small subset of trans people like myself - who have a tremendous amount of resources, support, educational and socioeconomic advantages – maybe transitioning on the job isn’t necessarily a horrible and traumatizing experience. But if there is one thing the beginning of this year has illuminated, it’s how incredibly lucky and privileged I am.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Making Sense of the Senseless - and What Can Educators Do? with SSC's Beth Reis
This article by our co-chair, Beth Reis, was just published in Teaching Tolerance Magazine, a project of Southern Poverty Law Center.
Making Sense of the Senseless: The Murder of Lawrence King
by Beth Reis, Safe Schools Coalition Co-Chair
Published in Teaching Tolerance Magazine, Number 34, Fall 2008
Web Exclusive! What Can Educators Do?
Teaching Tolerance sat down with Beth Reis and Helen Stillman of the Safe Schools Coalition, which shares the latest research, programs and ideas about preventing and responding to anti-gay harassment in schools to zero in on ways teachers can curb anti-gay bullying.
And: RECOMMENDED RESOURCES
Read all of:Certainly there are potential costs for a gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender student's honesty … discrimination by teachers, rejection by "friends" and, yes, even assault, rape, or murder. Are these experiences universal consequences of coming out? No. Do they happen? Yes.
But there's a flawed prevailing assumption: that being out necessarily increases a child's risk over some sort of bully-free baseline. Gay and, especially, gender variant children are often harassed long before consciously deciding whether to be out. It starts in primary grades. Gender variant little kids don't "choose" to be defiant about the larger culture's gender straight-jackets; it's how they're born. They may become more overt about it as they become more aware, at puberty, of its meaning and of their rights, but the harassment is hardly something they bring on themselves. In fact, whether you're gender variant or gay/lesbian/bi or both, coming out sometimes reduces the harassment you experience. It's not so much fun to hurl the vicious, "What are you ... gay or something?!" at a person whose response is a simple, non-defensive "yes."
The secrecy of the closet isn't without its own costs. These can include academic decline if you can't pay attention in class for worrying when a word or a gesture might lead to your life's unraveling. The costs can include profound loneliness. You can never be sure if those who love you are loving the mask or the person. You may deny yourself a supportive peer group because even accessing the gay-straight alliance may feel dangerous. You may deny yourself conversations with caring adults, unsure if you'll lose their esteem. You may forgo the typical adolescent social venues and, instead, find yourself in riskier adult environments. The closet can lead to depression and self-harm.
Making Sense of the Senseless: The Murder of Lawrence King
by Beth Reis, Safe Schools Coalition Co-Chair
Published in Teaching Tolerance Magazine, Number 34, Fall 2008
Web Exclusive! What Can Educators Do?
Teaching Tolerance sat down with Beth Reis and Helen Stillman of the Safe Schools Coalition, which shares the latest research, programs and ideas about preventing and responding to anti-gay harassment in schools to zero in on ways teachers can curb anti-gay bullying.
And: RECOMMENDED RESOURCES
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Seeing Our Students
I recently heard that the family of Lawrence King has filed personal injury claims against the Oxnard, California school district and county. Unfortunately, however, King's family has decided to blame the school for "allowing" King to behave and act flamboyantly and to wear clothes that were out of the school's gendered dress code. While I understand and sympathize with the family's grief and eagerness to hold the school accountable in some way, this particular lawsuit seems to be another frustrating gesture blaming King's gender expression for his/her own death when in fact King should have been protected no matter what.
I believe it is important to hold schools accountable for failing to foster an atmosphere and environment of safety for trans and queer youth. Administrators and teachers need to start understanding that it is impossible to protect students who are invisible to us. We cannot “protect” students whose identities and realities we refuse to see and respect.
The atmosphere of repression around sexuality and gender expression in public schools is astounding. Every day I get an influx of email news updates about another public school that has denied its students a Gay-Straight Alliance, or another instance of students being bullied, or another administrator who lectured a queer or trans student about how wrong homosexuality is. Most public schools seem dead-set on invisibilizing, weeding out, or ignoring LGBTQ students and LGBTQ issues that directly affect students.
Even in the context of my school, where teachers generally have a remarkable amount of freedom to determine our own curricula, I could not share news articles about King’s death with my students without admonishment and warning from numerous colleagues. My administrators have also expressed a strong desire to keep my transition as quiet as possible. I was recently informed that my principal has been advised by the New York Department of Education to avoid talking to students about my transition, and I learned that I am being moved to a different floor in my school. However, even if nobody raises questions or concerns about my transition, trying to sweep it under the rug is a band-aid solution that implies that my administration believes me to be an exception, a special case, and the only transgender person with trans-related needs in our school.
This is where my school, though well-intentioned and relatively supportive, seems to be making the same mistake that so many other public schools make. My transition is not the singular reason my colleagues and administrators need to learn to respect and support transgender people. In fact, my feelings are probably the least important aspect of all of this. After all, I am an adult, and it will not be the end of my world if someone refers to me as “she”. However, what message would it send to students about respecting gender identities if my colleagues use inappropriate pronouns or disrespect my identity in front of students? What impact could that have on a gender variant or queer middle school student? LGBTQ issues are students’ lives, identities, families, friends, neighbors, and teachers. They are immediate, real, and non-negotiable – and it is inevitable that some of the students of the 1,000 in my school are trans or gender variant.
And we can’t protect students whose realities and identities we refuse to see.
It is also inevitable that most of the school this year will know I am a transsexual. For administrators to maintain a willful ignorance about the controversy, emotion, and curiosity that will undoubtedly arise at some points as a result of my transition would shift onto me, individually, all responsibility to “educate” others about trans matters – and I find that unacceptable. I can’t speak for all trans people, and I should not be obligated to spend my energies versing my colleagues in Trans 101 or to spend my professional time doing transgender “damage control.” I am happy to engage in conversation and answer (some) questions on my own time, and only when I have the emotional energy.
Luckily, my principal has given me permission to find a third party to come and speak for fifteen minutes during one of our in-service days next week. I’ve contacted a lawyer from the NYCLU who has committed to talking with my colleagues and administrators on August 28th about transgender rights in New York City and about how to respect transgender people (both adults and children). He and I have collaborated to plan the presentation, and he has experience engaging with administrators and public schools, so I hope this will be a significant step towards establishing a common transgender and queer vocabulary at my school. I also hope that this speaker will help teachers and administrators realize that opening, rather than avoiding, dialogue is crucial to recognizing identities and experiences.
This approach applies to individual classrooms, as well. Instead of censoring what students “can” or cannot say in a top-down fashion, I prefer to encourage an expansion of students’ knowledge and understanding about the history and power of language. This past year I spent one day reading a GLSEN text on the etymology of the word “faggot” with students and engaging in class conversation about the violence of the word, and about why some people choose to describe and identify themselves as “faggots.” Declaring any particular word “off-limits” both entices students to use it when they are out of earshot and denies the experience of students who may identify with the word or what it symbolizes to them.
I believe it is possible to establish a safe environment without restricting students’ free speech, but it requires the classic teaching method of showing – not telling – students that words can have serious implications. This means that teachers and administrators must begin opening conversations in our schools that are difficult, painful, and often cause a great deal of anxiety.
But look at it this way: How will students ever understand the word “faggot,” and why they shouldn’t use it in a derogatory way, if we cannot talk about it or use the word itself? How can we truly see our students, let alone protect them, if we are scared to engage with the language used to defile and tear them down?
We can’t.
Likewise, we can't protect students if we don't acknowledge their gender expressions as valid and legitimate. Though I have the utmost sympathy for Lawrence King's family, the lawsuit they have filed fails to hold King's school truly accountable for its failures.
I believe it is important to hold schools accountable for failing to foster an atmosphere and environment of safety for trans and queer youth. Administrators and teachers need to start understanding that it is impossible to protect students who are invisible to us. We cannot “protect” students whose identities and realities we refuse to see and respect.
The atmosphere of repression around sexuality and gender expression in public schools is astounding. Every day I get an influx of email news updates about another public school that has denied its students a Gay-Straight Alliance, or another instance of students being bullied, or another administrator who lectured a queer or trans student about how wrong homosexuality is. Most public schools seem dead-set on invisibilizing, weeding out, or ignoring LGBTQ students and LGBTQ issues that directly affect students.
Even in the context of my school, where teachers generally have a remarkable amount of freedom to determine our own curricula, I could not share news articles about King’s death with my students without admonishment and warning from numerous colleagues. My administrators have also expressed a strong desire to keep my transition as quiet as possible. I was recently informed that my principal has been advised by the New York Department of Education to avoid talking to students about my transition, and I learned that I am being moved to a different floor in my school. However, even if nobody raises questions or concerns about my transition, trying to sweep it under the rug is a band-aid solution that implies that my administration believes me to be an exception, a special case, and the only transgender person with trans-related needs in our school.
This is where my school, though well-intentioned and relatively supportive, seems to be making the same mistake that so many other public schools make. My transition is not the singular reason my colleagues and administrators need to learn to respect and support transgender people. In fact, my feelings are probably the least important aspect of all of this. After all, I am an adult, and it will not be the end of my world if someone refers to me as “she”. However, what message would it send to students about respecting gender identities if my colleagues use inappropriate pronouns or disrespect my identity in front of students? What impact could that have on a gender variant or queer middle school student? LGBTQ issues are students’ lives, identities, families, friends, neighbors, and teachers. They are immediate, real, and non-negotiable – and it is inevitable that some of the students of the 1,000 in my school are trans or gender variant.
And we can’t protect students whose realities and identities we refuse to see.
It is also inevitable that most of the school this year will know I am a transsexual. For administrators to maintain a willful ignorance about the controversy, emotion, and curiosity that will undoubtedly arise at some points as a result of my transition would shift onto me, individually, all responsibility to “educate” others about trans matters – and I find that unacceptable. I can’t speak for all trans people, and I should not be obligated to spend my energies versing my colleagues in Trans 101 or to spend my professional time doing transgender “damage control.” I am happy to engage in conversation and answer (some) questions on my own time, and only when I have the emotional energy.
Luckily, my principal has given me permission to find a third party to come and speak for fifteen minutes during one of our in-service days next week. I’ve contacted a lawyer from the NYCLU who has committed to talking with my colleagues and administrators on August 28th about transgender rights in New York City and about how to respect transgender people (both adults and children). He and I have collaborated to plan the presentation, and he has experience engaging with administrators and public schools, so I hope this will be a significant step towards establishing a common transgender and queer vocabulary at my school. I also hope that this speaker will help teachers and administrators realize that opening, rather than avoiding, dialogue is crucial to recognizing identities and experiences.
This approach applies to individual classrooms, as well. Instead of censoring what students “can” or cannot say in a top-down fashion, I prefer to encourage an expansion of students’ knowledge and understanding about the history and power of language. This past year I spent one day reading a GLSEN text on the etymology of the word “faggot” with students and engaging in class conversation about the violence of the word, and about why some people choose to describe and identify themselves as “faggots.” Declaring any particular word “off-limits” both entices students to use it when they are out of earshot and denies the experience of students who may identify with the word or what it symbolizes to them.
I believe it is possible to establish a safe environment without restricting students’ free speech, but it requires the classic teaching method of showing – not telling – students that words can have serious implications. This means that teachers and administrators must begin opening conversations in our schools that are difficult, painful, and often cause a great deal of anxiety.
But look at it this way: How will students ever understand the word “faggot,” and why they shouldn’t use it in a derogatory way, if we cannot talk about it or use the word itself? How can we truly see our students, let alone protect them, if we are scared to engage with the language used to defile and tear them down?
We can’t.
Likewise, we can't protect students if we don't acknowledge their gender expressions as valid and legitimate. Though I have the utmost sympathy for Lawrence King's family, the lawsuit they have filed fails to hold King's school truly accountable for its failures.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Wow! Jay Smooth: How To Tell People They Sound Racist
Please watch How To Tell People They Sound Racist - a brilliant July 21, 2008 podcast by Jay Smooth, host of WBAI's The Underground Railroad in New York City. He is a blogger at hiphopmusic.com and the creator of the video podcast ill Doctrine.
Thanks to Bil Browning at The Bilerico Project for posting it there. I totally agree with what he wrote:
This has to be one of the smartest videos I've seen on YouTube. Not only does he give good, practical advice, but it's entertaining too.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Newsweek, Take a Hike
The recent Newsweek cover story about the murder of Lawrence King is outrageous. Apparently the article’s author, Ramin Setoodeh, never got the “gender identity and expression aren’t always the same as sexual orientation” memo. (This indicates that Setoodeh managed to avoid any and all up-to-date queer, gender literature in researching this piece.) Setoodeh seems to have written the article in large part to indict and cast scrutiny upon Lawrence King’s gendered behavior: “[King] thought nothing of chasing the boys around the school in [high heels], teetering as he ran… Larry King was… a troubled child who flaunted his sexuality and wielded it like a weapon.”
Who knew that a single middle school student, and the victim of a murderous hate crime, had such power to shake the foundations of society? Setoodeh’s words carry an edge of paranoid fear that I’ve heard all too many times before; he sounds like so many men, straight and gay alike, who fabricate a (nonexistent) image of the terrifyingly feminine “male” in order to justify violence against male-designated, gender non-conforming individuals (particularly trans women). How many female-designated individuals in King’s middle school chase boys around and “teeter” in heels, wielding their sexualities “like a weapon”? Setoodeh doesn’t mention this, but apparently he doesn’t find that relevant in conversations about the “performance” of femininity. (If only Setoodeh could have seen the way I teetered the few times I was forced to wear heels in middle school, he might reassess his overly simplistic notion of authenticity.)
Blaming a fifteen-year-old’s femininity and flamboyance for his/her death does not encourage dialogue and prevent violent, transphobic hate crimes in schools. Setoodeh seems puzzled by the discrepancy between King’s death and his own observation of increased tolerance of gay people in the United States. He writes “California’s Supreme Court has just legalized gay marriage. There are gay characters on popular TV shows such as ‘Gossip Girl’ and ‘Ugly Betty,’ and no one seems to notice. Kids like Larry are so comfortable with the concept of being openly gay that they are coming out younger and younger.” Where does Setoodeh get his definition of “comfort”? And to whom is he referring when he says that “no one seems to notice” mainstream representations of gay people? Who knows.
Unfortunately, what “no one seems to notice” are the numerous murders of trans and gender variant people, particularly people of color, that have occurred in the past few months in the United States. In his rush to sugar-coat news and media representations of “gay people” – which, when examined closely, reveal themselves to be archetypes and caricatures of what straight people think gay people should look like - Setoodeh clearly missed those, too. Young people such as King are not the only gender non-conforming victims of violent crimes. Just two weeks ago, on July 17th, a trans woman named Angie Zapata was murdered in Denver. Sanesha Stewart, a trans woman who lived in the Bronx, was stabbed to death just a few months ago. The list of recent tragedies continues. (For more information, read the article “Queer, Dead, and Nobody Cares” at http://www.theroot.com/id/44971).
What many people, Setoodeh included, haven’t observed is that increasing acceptance of “gay people” does not necessarily mean that anyone, adult or child, is becoming more aware of gender variance. Many self-identified gay individuals harbor intense and violent transphobia, as exemplified by transphobic gay and lesbian individuals like Janice Raymond and Jim Fouratt and the trans-exclusionary policies and sentiments that persist at many “women’s” events like the Michigan Women’s Music Festival.
Well-funded gay rights organizations routinely and unapologetically abandon transgender people. The HRC recently refused to include “gender identity and expression” in its nationwide push to protect LGBT people from employment discrimination. As justification for this omission, the HRC claimed that many unspecified “people” in the United States aren’t ready to respect transgender people’s rights, and therefore it’s better for the HRC not to advocate for them, either.
Suffice it to say, transphobia is prevalent in some gay and lesbian communities, and there’s a history to that. Since the 1950’s, and possibly earlier, gender non-conforming people have been denied seats at LGBT rights tables. The reason? Our supposed failure to assimilate to mainstream norms threatens the ability of wealthier, mostly white, college educated, gays and lesbians to access all of the resources they wanted for themselves. The Newsweek article applies that same, deeply hypocritical “logic” to label Lawrence King “troubled” and his behavior “harmful.”
Are schools prepared to tackle the topics of gender variance and trans-awareness? Unfortunately, most schools are as far behind in confronting gender variance as Setoodeh is. At my school, several colleagues and myself are trying to push for more dialogue around gender and gender expression; but it’s challenging when I can’t even share an article about King’s death with my students without being admonished by administrators and fellow teachers because they claim the topic is “too mature” for twelve-year-olds. I will say this much, though: A Newsweek article blaming a fifteen-year-old for his own death when trans and gender variant people across the nation (particularly trans people of color) are being killed left and right does not do a damn thing to help.
Who knew that a single middle school student, and the victim of a murderous hate crime, had such power to shake the foundations of society? Setoodeh’s words carry an edge of paranoid fear that I’ve heard all too many times before; he sounds like so many men, straight and gay alike, who fabricate a (nonexistent) image of the terrifyingly feminine “male” in order to justify violence against male-designated, gender non-conforming individuals (particularly trans women). How many female-designated individuals in King’s middle school chase boys around and “teeter” in heels, wielding their sexualities “like a weapon”? Setoodeh doesn’t mention this, but apparently he doesn’t find that relevant in conversations about the “performance” of femininity. (If only Setoodeh could have seen the way I teetered the few times I was forced to wear heels in middle school, he might reassess his overly simplistic notion of authenticity.)
Blaming a fifteen-year-old’s femininity and flamboyance for his/her death does not encourage dialogue and prevent violent, transphobic hate crimes in schools. Setoodeh seems puzzled by the discrepancy between King’s death and his own observation of increased tolerance of gay people in the United States. He writes “California’s Supreme Court has just legalized gay marriage. There are gay characters on popular TV shows such as ‘Gossip Girl’ and ‘Ugly Betty,’ and no one seems to notice. Kids like Larry are so comfortable with the concept of being openly gay that they are coming out younger and younger.” Where does Setoodeh get his definition of “comfort”? And to whom is he referring when he says that “no one seems to notice” mainstream representations of gay people? Who knows.
Unfortunately, what “no one seems to notice” are the numerous murders of trans and gender variant people, particularly people of color, that have occurred in the past few months in the United States. In his rush to sugar-coat news and media representations of “gay people” – which, when examined closely, reveal themselves to be archetypes and caricatures of what straight people think gay people should look like - Setoodeh clearly missed those, too. Young people such as King are not the only gender non-conforming victims of violent crimes. Just two weeks ago, on July 17th, a trans woman named Angie Zapata was murdered in Denver. Sanesha Stewart, a trans woman who lived in the Bronx, was stabbed to death just a few months ago. The list of recent tragedies continues. (For more information, read the article “Queer, Dead, and Nobody Cares” at http://www.theroot.com/id/44971).
What many people, Setoodeh included, haven’t observed is that increasing acceptance of “gay people” does not necessarily mean that anyone, adult or child, is becoming more aware of gender variance. Many self-identified gay individuals harbor intense and violent transphobia, as exemplified by transphobic gay and lesbian individuals like Janice Raymond and Jim Fouratt and the trans-exclusionary policies and sentiments that persist at many “women’s” events like the Michigan Women’s Music Festival.
Well-funded gay rights organizations routinely and unapologetically abandon transgender people. The HRC recently refused to include “gender identity and expression” in its nationwide push to protect LGBT people from employment discrimination. As justification for this omission, the HRC claimed that many unspecified “people” in the United States aren’t ready to respect transgender people’s rights, and therefore it’s better for the HRC not to advocate for them, either.
Suffice it to say, transphobia is prevalent in some gay and lesbian communities, and there’s a history to that. Since the 1950’s, and possibly earlier, gender non-conforming people have been denied seats at LGBT rights tables. The reason? Our supposed failure to assimilate to mainstream norms threatens the ability of wealthier, mostly white, college educated, gays and lesbians to access all of the resources they wanted for themselves. The Newsweek article applies that same, deeply hypocritical “logic” to label Lawrence King “troubled” and his behavior “harmful.”
Are schools prepared to tackle the topics of gender variance and trans-awareness? Unfortunately, most schools are as far behind in confronting gender variance as Setoodeh is. At my school, several colleagues and myself are trying to push for more dialogue around gender and gender expression; but it’s challenging when I can’t even share an article about King’s death with my students without being admonished by administrators and fellow teachers because they claim the topic is “too mature” for twelve-year-olds. I will say this much, though: A Newsweek article blaming a fifteen-year-old for his own death when trans and gender variant people across the nation (particularly trans people of color) are being killed left and right does not do a damn thing to help.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
PFOX Statement On LGBT Youth Suicide
Portland, OR (July 19, 2008) -
TransActive works closely with children, youth and their families as well as with organizations such as GLSEN and the GSA Network to provide education and resources that will help overcome the ignorance, prejudice, harassment and violence directed at children and youth who may be, to one degree or another, gender non-conforming. This discrimination and bullying affects all youth, regardless of their sexual orientation or their gender identity.
As part of our advocacy and education goals, we make every effort to respond to misinformation disseminated by individuals and organizations opposed to equality, respect and supportive care for gender non-conforming children and youth.
On Friday, July 18th, 2008 LifeSiteNews.com, an ideological Judeo-Christian news distribution service, published the contents of a press release from the organization Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays (PFOX). In their preface to the PFOX statement, LifeSiteNews.com referred to “a recent study” that PFOX claims links an increased risk of suicide with young people who identify themselves as gay or transgender before achieving full maturity. They go on to imply that Gay/Straight Alliances (GSA’s), which they refer to as ‘homosexual clubs”, bear some degree of responsibility for this increased risk of suicide by “encouraging” young people to self-identify as gay, bisexual or transgender.
The “recent study” was actually a June 1991 article that appeared in the Official Journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics, vol. 87, pp. 869-875. It was written by Gary Remafedi MD, James A. Farrow MD, and Robert W. Deisher MD.
Their sense of what qualifies as recent/breaking news, while disturbing from a journalistic perspective, may be an accurate indicator of where they are at in their thinking. About two decades behind the rest of us.
In the PFOX press release, PFOX Executive Director Regina Griggs references a recent article in the Washington Post about a 15-year old gender non-conforming youth and how Gay/Straight Alliances help teens such as him deal with discrimination and bullying in high and middle school.
"What the article failed to describe," said Griggs, "is the danger of young sexually confused teens self-identifying as gays at an early age. Research has shown that the risk of suicide decreases by 20% each year that a person delays homosexual or bisexual self-labeling. Early self-identification is dangerous to kids.”
The research referred to by Griggs is that “recent study” discussed above. While we strongly disagree with Ms. Griggs characterization of LGBT youth as ‘sexually confused”, we will set that aside for the moment in order to address her misguided interpretation about what the 1991 study by Dr’s. Remafedi, Farrow and Deisher indicated. In fact, the position stated by PFOX appears to be simply a regurgitation of a statement from James Dobson’s group, Focus On The Family earlier this year.
The following letter was sent by Dr. Gary Remafedi to James Dobson and Focus On The Family in May, 2008. This information originally appeared in an article written by Andy Birkey for the Minnesota Monitor (www.minnesotamonitor.com).
"I want to draw your attention to a gross misrepresentation of our research at the website of Focus on the Family," wrote Remafedi. A section of the site called "Myths and Facts" makes the assertion that sexual orientation is easily swayed in adolescence and that "homosexual activist groups" and a culture supportive of gay marriage can influence teens to become gay.
Dr. Remafedi says his research doesn't say anything to that effect. In fact, he wonders if James Dobson [or PFOX/LifeSiteNews.com] even read his research.
"Had the authors of 'Myths and Facts' actually read the article, they would have found no support for their contention that 'many children experience a period of sexual-identity confusion when they can be influenced in either direction," wrote Remafedi. "The word 'confusion' does not appear in our article; nor did we find that anyone can influence a young person's sexual identity."“The purpose of our study was to explore patterns of sexual orientation in a representative sample of more than 34,000 Minnesota students in grades 7 to 12. We found that the percentage of students who reported being "unsure" about their orientation steadily declined with age from 25.9% in 12-year-old persons to 5% in 18 year-old students (p. 716). Youth who were "unsure" were more likely than others to entertain homosexual fantasies and attractions and less likely to have had heterosexual experiences (p. 720). These and other data suggested that uncertainty about sexual orientation "gradually gives way to heterosexual or homosexual identification with the passage of time and/or with increasing sexual experience" (p. 720).”
Gary Remafedi,
M.D., M.P.H.
Professor, Department of Pediatrics
University of
Minnesota
Remafedi also sent his letter to Wayne Besen of Truth Wins Out, a watchdog group that monitors instances where research is used erroneously against gays and lesbians.
"Focus on the Family has engaged in a disturbing pattern of misrepresenting the work of legitimate researchers to further their anti-gay agenda," Besen said in a press release.
In the PFOX statement Griggs said, “"Schools should not be encouraging teens to self-identify as gays, bisexuals or transgendered persons… sexual attractions are fluid and do not take on permanence until early adulthood.”
We suggest to Ms. Griggs that unless she is referring a group of gay or queer youth, gay is not plural, nor is bisexual. And the word is “transgender”… no one has ever been ‘transgendered” - No more than anyone has been “straighted” or “Democrated”. It is not something that is done to someone, thereafter rendering them ‘transgendered’.
It should be pointed out that sexual attraction (and gender expression) is indeed fluid throughout adolescence and adulthood. There is no permanence achieved at some arbitrary point in one’s life. To imply otherwise flies not only in the face of accurately reported research, it perpetuates destructive stereotypes that can damage one’s self-esteem.
Ms. Griggs says, “Rather than affirming teenagers as 'gay' through self-labeling, educators should affirm them as people worthy of respect… to wait until adulthood before making choices about their sexuality. If teens are encouraged to believe that they are permanently 'gay' before they have had a chance to reach adulthood, their life choices are severely restricted and can result in depression."
We agree wholeheartedly with her opinion that educators (and others) should affirm teenagers and pre-adolescents as “people worthy of respect”. We hope to see PFOX, Focus On The Family, the Traditional Values Coalition and others take Regina Griggs plea to heart.
Neither sexual orientation or gender identity are choices that children or youth make. They are who they are. If there is a choice to be made, it is ours in that we can choose to nurture, support and, as Ms. Griggs stated, respect who these children and youth are, rather than harass and oppress them into becoming what some might ‘wish’ them to be. If we as a culture and society do that, then we can remove many of the restrictions and causes of depression alluded to in the PFOX statement.
Griggs also notes that, "GSA clubs and their teacher sponsors make schools unsafe for anyone who has rejected the 'gay' label in their lives or who believes in ex-gay equal rights. Former homosexuals and their supporters should have the same kind of access to public schools that GSA clubs currently enjoy."
Couldn’t that sentence also accurately be stated as “Heterosexuals and their supporters should have the same kind of access to public schools that GSA clubs currently enjoy”? And if so stated, isn’t the question itself ridiculous? The last time we checked, heterosexual and gender conforming children and youth (and their supporters) pretty much have free reign within our public schools. There is no discrimination (overt or covert) against straight/gender conforming children and youth in school activities, including sports, arts, academics, chess clubs, journalism or other events.
It prompts the question; is there something about the ex-gay lifestyle that we are missing? Do ex-gays get together and reminisce about the days when they were still gay? Do they compare notes on how much less discriminated against and victimized by bullying and violence they are now compared to when they were still gay? Do they critique each other on their gender conformity, or lack thereof?
Perhaps they talk about how difficult it is to keep up the pretense of being something they’re not, simply because they’ve been shamed, oppressed and coerced into believing there is something wrong with them? Maybe they discuss how they continue to get teased, bullied and harassed because others who don't know of or fully appreciate their ex-gayness still perceive them as overly feminine if male or masculine if female? If so, then we most definitely want to reach out to them compassionately and respectfully. If they are interested getting out of the destructive ex-gay lifestyle, they can contact PFLAG at www.pflag.org. Gender non-conforming youth can find support and acceptance by contacting us at www.transactiveonline.org. For trans adults, there is the PFLAG-Transgender Network.
PFOX reports that an organization called the National Education Association Ex-Gay Educators Caucus (NEAEGEC) recommends diversity and inclusion of the ex-gay viewpoint in public schools. There is absolutely no mention of such a caucus on the NEA’s official website. In doing a Google search for the organization, TransActive staff was successful in finding only 6 entries referencing such an organization.
1. www.LifeSiteNews.com: (This article)
2. www.WDCmedia.com: (A 2006 article on this evangelical news website accusing the National Education Association of pushing the “homosexual agenda”. They quote the former chair of the NEAEGEC, Jeralee Smith. (As far as we can tell, Ms. Smith is the former chair and only member of the NEAEGEC.
3. www.CWFA.org: This is the website for the Concerned Women For America, an organization which states as one of their goals “to bring Biblical principals into all levels of public policy.” The NEAEGEC is referenced in a letter as having published a piece of so-called “balanced literature” entitled “Respect and The Facts”. In following the link at www.nea-exgay.org to download the literature, I was taken to Dr. Warren Throckmorton’s website. Dr. Throckmorton is a well-known advocate of therapy designed to change the sexual orientation or gender non-conforming identity of children and youth. If you click on the link to this literature at his website, you are taken to another site which promotes a variety of health and medical related products…none of which are “Respect and The Facts”.
4. www.earstohear.net: This personal website describes itself as a “Christian & American Heritage Resource”. This link quotes former NEAEGEC chair and member Jeralee Smith as accusing the NEA of engaging in a “big misinformation campaign”.
5. www.sanduskyregister.com: The lone reference to the NEAEGEC here comes in a reader response to a March, 2008 article by Amanda Godfrey in the Sandusky (Ohio) Register.
6. http://exodus.blogs.com: This is the site for Exodus International, an organization that claims to be able to “lead” people out of the “gay lifestyle”.
We encourage all organizations dedicated to improving the lives of transgender and gender non-conforming children and youth to challenge these purveyors of misinformation, misrepresentation, obfuscation and outright lies with the facts wherever and whenever possible. Our children are depending on us to protect them from those who would perpetuate intolerance, fear, religious bigotry and misogyny. If we remain silent in the face of opposition, then the voices of our children and youth may never be heard.
Peace & Unity,
Jenn Burleton
Executive Director
TransActive Education & Advocacy
# # #
Mission Statement
TransActive Education & Advocacy (TEA) provides education & advocacy services in support of families of gender non-conforming children and youth, and the child’s right to freely express their true gender identity.
For general information, please contact us: transeducate@gmail.com
TransActive is a non-profit educational and advocacy organization. While we depend on service, speaking and presentation fees as well as the financial support of our allies, TransActive will not turn down family support, educational or advocacy opportunities due to lack of ability to pay.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Newsweek Gets It Backwards
Newsweek's cover story this month is entitled "Young, Gay and Murdered: Kids are coming out younger, but are schools ready to handle the complex issues of identity and sexuality? For Larry King, the question had tragic implications." [ http://www.newsweek.com/id/147790/page/1 ]
The reporter, Ramin Setoodeh seems to me to have concluded that it was because Larry came out and because he dressed in a vampy way and directed sexual and romantic comments toward boys at school that he was gossiped about, harassed and finally murdered. I would question the chronology. I am totally skeptical about the assumption that his behavior led to the other boys' hostility rather than their hostility fueling his behavior. Because it’s the latter that I have seen so often. A little kid starts out gender variant by nature, even in pre-kindergarten. But often subtly so. Then other kids' discomfort and grown-ups' refusal to address their discomfort or teach about stereotypes leads to their excluding that child from play and refusing to sit with the child at lunch. The teachers continue to hope the problem will go away.
In each grade, the class' meanness grows and teachers still don't talk with them about gender as a continuum rather than a binary concept. They don't even bring up female athletes or male dancers. In each grade, the targeted child tries new strategies to manage the hurt. One year, they will hardly talk at all. Another year, they'll talk nonstop. Often, eventually, they will become defiant and exaggerate what comes naturally: a gender expression others find discomfiting. Their peers' meanness -- and adults' refusal to address it in meaningful ways -- often accompanied by isolation from healthy well-adjusted LGBTQ role models -- precipitates the targeted child's using bitter humor and dramatic flair as a defense. And sometimes that works. Once you are clearly not trying to hide your sexual orientation or gender identity or whatever about you is different, it sometimes makes calling you "gay" anti-climactic and gets kids off your back. Sometimes, it doesn’t work. It didn't work, in the end, for Larry.
Know that I am not saying that transgender youth are necessarily exaggerating anything. I have no idea if Larry would have eventually identified as trans or not. I just imagine that, in time, Larry's spike heels and glitter might have given way to more garden-variety femininity or andogyny. If it hadn't, so what?
The point is that Setoodeh infers from his interviews, especially with Brandon's father, that the way to protect Brandon would have been to change Larry's behavior. But liking someone and wanting them to like you back is not a crime. Middle school is the time when most kids get crushes and tell friends. It doesn't sound to me as if Larry's behavior had risen to the level of stalking at all. If it did, then why haven't all the girls on that pre-Valentine outdoor quad been charged with stalking? Their behavior and Larry's appear to have been the same.
Maybe, rather than changing Larry's behavior, the most effective way to protect Brandon would have been to help him see someone's flirting -- even another boy's -- as flattering instead of insulting. We let homophobia and transphobia go unchallenged all the time and then we seem shocked when a young person becomes enraged at the thought that his peers might think he was gay. We let Brandon down not by failing to prohibit Larry from saying he liked him. We let Brandon down by letting him grow up believing that who Larry was (and who he would be by extension if he liked Larry back) was the worst thing a person could be.
And we let Larry down by letting his whole school grow up hating his difference and making his life there hellish. His femininity and his getting a crush didn't lead to his murder. Brandon's soul-searing transphobia and homophobia did. And adults' behavior, in turn, led to that.
The reporter, Ramin Setoodeh seems to me to have concluded that it was because Larry came out and because he dressed in a vampy way and directed sexual and romantic comments toward boys at school that he was gossiped about, harassed and finally murdered. I would question the chronology. I am totally skeptical about the assumption that his behavior led to the other boys' hostility rather than their hostility fueling his behavior. Because it’s the latter that I have seen so often. A little kid starts out gender variant by nature, even in pre-kindergarten. But often subtly so. Then other kids' discomfort and grown-ups' refusal to address their discomfort or teach about stereotypes leads to their excluding that child from play and refusing to sit with the child at lunch. The teachers continue to hope the problem will go away.
In each grade, the class' meanness grows and teachers still don't talk with them about gender as a continuum rather than a binary concept. They don't even bring up female athletes or male dancers. In each grade, the targeted child tries new strategies to manage the hurt. One year, they will hardly talk at all. Another year, they'll talk nonstop. Often, eventually, they will become defiant and exaggerate what comes naturally: a gender expression others find discomfiting. Their peers' meanness -- and adults' refusal to address it in meaningful ways -- often accompanied by isolation from healthy well-adjusted LGBTQ role models -- precipitates the targeted child's using bitter humor and dramatic flair as a defense. And sometimes that works. Once you are clearly not trying to hide your sexual orientation or gender identity or whatever about you is different, it sometimes makes calling you "gay" anti-climactic and gets kids off your back. Sometimes, it doesn’t work. It didn't work, in the end, for Larry.
Know that I am not saying that transgender youth are necessarily exaggerating anything. I have no idea if Larry would have eventually identified as trans or not. I just imagine that, in time, Larry's spike heels and glitter might have given way to more garden-variety femininity or andogyny. If it hadn't, so what?
The point is that Setoodeh infers from his interviews, especially with Brandon's father, that the way to protect Brandon would have been to change Larry's behavior. But liking someone and wanting them to like you back is not a crime. Middle school is the time when most kids get crushes and tell friends. It doesn't sound to me as if Larry's behavior had risen to the level of stalking at all. If it did, then why haven't all the girls on that pre-Valentine outdoor quad been charged with stalking? Their behavior and Larry's appear to have been the same.
Maybe, rather than changing Larry's behavior, the most effective way to protect Brandon would have been to help him see someone's flirting -- even another boy's -- as flattering instead of insulting. We let homophobia and transphobia go unchallenged all the time and then we seem shocked when a young person becomes enraged at the thought that his peers might think he was gay. We let Brandon down not by failing to prohibit Larry from saying he liked him. We let Brandon down by letting him grow up believing that who Larry was (and who he would be by extension if he liked Larry back) was the worst thing a person could be.
And we let Larry down by letting his whole school grow up hating his difference and making his life there hellish. His femininity and his getting a crush didn't lead to his murder. Brandon's soul-searing transphobia and homophobia did. And adults' behavior, in turn, led to that.
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